I know I’ve said this too many times, but it’s been too long since I’ve posted on here. Blogging makes up so much of my life it’s weird, and yes, I do get to do it for Uni, but just not necessarily for what I want to write about. I love Uni, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I’ve left SeriesThree to gather dust. I’ve polished it with this ‘brand new’ design (which I achieved by throwing more money at my screen), and I’ve left it alone like a video game I’ve just bought and not played yet.
Halloween now is just ‘Benny’s Birthday,’ and Bonfire Night brings me positively-negative echoes of my past, and also gives me the chance to sit indoors more and hear bangs outside which completely bewilder me, until I realise it’s Bonfire night for the ump-teenth time. Quite frankly, it doesn’t appeal to me. Halloween however is to me, just an excuse for girls to end up looking
wonderfully horrendously slutty, and for guys to either walk around with their ‘abs’ out (and look complete bell-ends), and/or for them to just be bell-ends. Just like the one who decided to grab me, and while wearing red contact lenses, stare directly at me and tell me how much of a freak I look wearing my ‘mask.’ Turns out I was walking home after seeing a third-year show, dressed in a suit. What a cock.
The reason why all of these lovely words sound so negative right now is because I am currently in one of my downward-swinging moods. Y’know, those ones which come out of nowhere? Yep. That’s me right now. Currently, my girlfriend, Amy, is in Madrid, telling me that it doesn’t seem too good for a year abroad, and as the States is apparently completely out of my reach, a year abroad for me is sounding less and less inviting. That’s one part of this lowered mood. The other, the cheesey reason, is that she’s not here. It sounds like such bollocks to some people, but after what I’ve been through both positively and negatively this year, she’s the one thing that’s remained constant. She brings me joy. Irrelevant of how I am, she turns up at my front door, and colour floods back into my life. Got a comment about this cheesiness? Keep it to yourself. It’s me and her against the world. The best way for it to be.
As for University in every other sense, it’s awesome. Radio has been and gone, and unsurprisingly, wasn’t as good as I hoped, but I still enjoyed it nontheless. My weekly tasks have returned this year, and quite frankly, I am overjoyed. It’s tough, but that’s life. As for some Professional Experience module, It’s been completely unproductive. I’m tempted to just go it alone, as I didn’t want to take charge in this group of complete strangers I’ve been allocated to. It sounds arsey I know, but one person takes the lead, and everyone expects you to do everything. I hate that, and it’s happened to me a lot. It’s worse actually when it appears like you’ve done everything, but in fact, it was a group effort, and for some reason people just don’t have the balls to talk.
I’ve been coined as one of the best on my course. I’ve had people explicitly say around me (deliberately), that whoever I’m working with will do well because I’m working with them.
“Oh, sit back. Rich’ll do everything.”
I know I’m doing well, but being coined as one of the best doesn’t half put three-hundred million tonnes of pressure on you. I want to do well, I want to achieve a first when I graduate, but people heckling me won’t help. It may not be deliberate ‘heckling,’ but it surely puts me on a cloud-nine downer.
Why rant about success?
I don’t know. I’m in one of those moods I guess. Everything seems to be going on a straight path recently, but that path is getting wider and narrower as I go along. I’ve been with Amy for almost a year now, I have a job here, I’m doing well, I’m (almost) managing my time well, but what is it that makes me feel like this?
Answer: I don’t know.
I do this thing called ‘sleeping on it.’
But sleep, seems far away.
Maybe it’s something else.
Something I don’t want to find.